Fart King v The King of FartAngels

Fart King is a member of society who constantly rip farts on a level beyond the average person. Fart Kings often take pride in being able to ass whistle so often, and as such, they proudly fill the air with their custom flatulence. Although some will suggest that Fart King's get their crown for the overall frequency of their anal expulsions, this is but a myth. In fact, a Fart King should be given his/her title for their frequency as well as their consistency, decibel volume, and last but not least, their custom odor. A Fart King will often drop bean blowers that not only wreak but also have an appalling pitch and a distracting audible volume. It is these factors which combine to truly give someone the title. Of course, it is difficult to crown a Fart King globally, or even state wide, instead it is encouraged to crown Fart Kings within your own social circles. Fart King is a professional admired for his/her ability to generate consistent, smelly, and loud barking brownies.                                                                               # Your humble Propriator is The King of FartAngels ---the one and only Supreme Fart Leader of the global community of FartAngels (please see the mission statement in the heading of this blog) who's daily good will farts allow Smelly Little Angels (SLA) to Get their Wings. On those rare occasions, when SLA is not released, organic strawberries are farted out. We are farting with you, for you, and instead of you!

To Light, or Not to Light?

Fart lightning or pyroflatulence is the practice of igniting the gases produced by human flatulence, often producing a flame of a blue hue, hence the act being known colloquially as a "blue angel", or in Australia, a "blue flame". The fact that flatus is flammable, and the actual combustion of it through this practice, gives rise to much humourous derivation. Other colors of flame such as orange and yellow are possible with the color dependent on the mixture of gases formed in the colon.

Methane burns in oxygen forming water and carbon dioxide often producing a blue hue (ΔH_c = -891 kJ/mol),^[ as:

CH₄(g) + 2O₂(g) → CO₂(g) + 2H₂O(g)

Hydrogen sulfide also combusts (ΔH_c = -519 kJ/mol)^[3] to

2H₂S(g) + 3O₂(g) → 2SO₂(g) + 2H₂O(g)

The odor associated with flatus is due to hydrogen sulfide, skatole, indole, volatile amines and short chain fatty acids. These substances are detectable by olfactory neurons in concentrations as low as 10 parts per billion, hydrogen sulfide being the most detectable.

The act of fart lighting is performed by using an open flame such as a candle or a cigarette lighter. There are web sites on the Internet devoted exclusively to explaining proper lighting techniques.

Common problems reported are severe and painful burns around and about the anus. Reports of serious burns to body parts are not uncommon but clothing helps to protect one's skin. Wearing pants (e.g. thick cotton sweatpants) is a good safety precaution. As with all fire stunts, cotton clothes (particularly if damp), or even better, wool, are safer than synthetics. The fire point of cotton is 210 °C (410 °F), and it is hard to ignite accidentally. But many common synthetic fabrics such as polyester fleece or nylon can easily catch fire or melt to the skin.

Many experienced fart lighters suggest that denim be worn during the process of fart lighting; due to its thickness, it usually does a good job of protecting the skin from burns. Performing fart lighting in only underwear, in synthetic clothing (e. g. track pants), or no clothing at all could result in serious burns to the anus, scrotum, or vulva.

The manly art of fart-burning. Compression, ignition, combustion and exhaust.

—Frank Zappa

Fart lighting has been a novelty practice primarily among young men or college students for decades,^[ but is discouraged for its potential for causing injury. Such experiments typically occur on camping trips and in single-sex group residences, such as tree-houses, dormitories, or fraternity houses.

In an case, DO OUR PART--LIGHT YOUR FART!

American Natural Gas

Ever pull someones finger and hear a weird noise come out of his or her butt? Ever sit in a tub of water and see bubbles come out of your hiney? This strange noise and vibrating sensation that came from your butt is most likely caused by a fart. A fart is a combination of gases (nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide) that travels from a person's stomach to their anus. When a person swallows too much air or eats foods that the human digestive system cannot digest easily gas becomes trapped in his/her stomach. The only way for this excess gas to exit the body is through the anus. The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur which causes farts to have a smelly odor. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda, and eggs. A scientific name for a fart is flatus or flatulence. The word fart is just one of many different terms used to describe the release of gasses from the human body. Other popular names for farts or farting include: gassers, stinkers, air biscuits, bombers, barking spiders, rotten eggs, and wet ones. You can pass gas, break wind, blast, beef, poof, rip one, let one fly, step on a duck, and cut the cheese. Farts can be stinky, wet, loud, or silent but deadly. Pee-eeew!!! BTW, if your fart is not stinky enough, increase its hydrogen sulfide content by sticking to our 4Bs--broccoli, broiled eggs, beans & beer! Did you know?  On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day. Hey guys, don't be fooled by girls who tell you that they never fart. Everyone farts, including girls. In fact, females fart just as much as males. Many animals fart too. Cats, dogs, and cows. Elephants fart the most. People fart the most in their sleep. Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable. Good farting to you!